I guess I'll start at the beginning - literally.   If you get a chance, watch this first; if not, it'll completely throw you later.   Let's just call this Kids Incorporated: Episode One

The Beginning answers some of the questions those of you who've seen the series would have, but leaves you with new ones.   Everyone is different, and there are so many kids that you get the feeling you've been slipped the final audition tape instead.  Oppera fans take note: you'll be sitting through 40 minutes of almost-as-goods before Martika sings. 

Into a neighborhood with wonderfully tolerant occupants (they never complain about the noise) moves The Kid - shy, quiet Kid(???).   He apparently lives on the corner, because he can see everything from the park bench in front of his apartment building.  Trouble is, it's daytime in 1985 on his side...

In that same neighborhood, on an evening in 1983, Gloria is practicing the piano because "Mother says "she has to (???).  Mother apparently doesn't tell Gloria to close the door, because Renee slips in with a scheme.  Now would be a good time to remind everyone that this is the 80's, so 9-yr-old girls dressing like Dee Snider is perfectly acceptable (thus begins Renee's series-long love/hate relationship with clothing - more on that later).  Somehow, even without today's technology, she has used her dad's stereo(which is how big, exactly?) to tape Gloria's last recital (wouldn't that have taken place in an auditorium?) and dubbed a copy, which she just happens to have cued up to match Gloria's practice. Why she is practicing a song she's already performed, I have no idea.  Anyway, they leave the tape playing and walk into the camera - I mean, leave Gloria's house and head to the malt shop (is this still '83?).  On the way, they get distracted by some kids constructing a building (???????) and 3 guys who seem to be practicing for the circus - all who happen to start singing as the girls walk by.  Pretty odd considering they're a long walk from the malt shop where everyone else does their singing. 

Finally, we reach the premise: this place (hint, hint) is about to feature regular singing kids. Two years later, The Kid tells us that the neighborhood kids do this on a regular basis.  Problem is, Gloria doesn't want to sing that night - but she goes along anyway, because otherwise this would be a really short show.  Instead of Simon Cowell, we have Mike - who does not have a promising future ahead of him as a soda jerk.  More singing kids, including a few who have brought their own instruments.  The girls miss the music, but Gloria scores a date with the slightly-clueless-but-sweet-in-his-own-way Danny, much to the dismay of Jennifer, who was sure she had him netted with her Jazzercize get-up.  It is here we meet Stacy, who is actually dressed like a Cabbage Patch Kid I had once, and as we are led to believe though not actually told, is Renee's sister.  Apparenly, she's the only one who knows where Mickey is (since this is a tv show, the little kid is always the smartest), but her name's in the opening credits, so she has to go, too. 

Mickey (says The Kid) is the leader of a band that everyone loves (why aren't they at the malt shop, you ask? They are - they just perform without him occasionally).  He and his stooge, Chris, are busy breaking into a building.  According to legend, it was once home to music's biggest stars before it closed(sound familiar? Trust me, you'll hear this part again).  It closed in such a hurry that they left the instruments set up and plugged in, so the boys begin playing and are freaked out when their music attracts weird punk rock dancers.  Mickey runs one way, and Chris the other. 

    Unfortunately for Chris, he runs into the girls, who berate him about Mickey's whereabouts.  He doesn't crack, and after he leaves, they shout insults at him.  They spot a billboard of Elvis and Stacy has no idea who he is (see, I told ya - smart!).  They bill him as the king of rock 'n' roll, and we are treated to black-and-white singing kids.  Afterwards, Gloria is ready to give up, and Stacy is only 8, so she shouldn't know anything about boys.   This annoys her so much that she begins to sing.  Sadly, no one is impressed, especially Gloria, who's mad enough about being named after a Laura Branigan song as it is.

The Kid is so entranced by things that have already happened that when he remembers the trash can falling, he throws his popcorn up into the air.  We are now in an alleyway and no, that's not Brian Setzer, it's Mickey at last, and his band has joined him to sing us all back to the malt shop.  Gloria doesn't want to confront him, so Renee calls him out - in song, of course.  You can probably guess what song she sings, although I'm almost positive Toni Basil didn't choreograph this number.  This prompts all the kids to break into the most annoying overused song in the universe, a.k.a. Kids In America. 

Finally, the singing is over, and Mickey is asked if Gloria can join his band...and he says no.  He also says that it's not his band, which is not what everyone has been saying though, so ??? The boys claim that they can't take on any new members right before their audition and take off for the garage, leaving the girls angry and disappointed.  Sometime in the future, The Kid declares that if he'd been there, he'd blow them all away with his daydream musical number.  The neighbors still don't care.